


I Never Told You (I just held it in)

by destielfive0



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: F/M, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-08 11:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1131931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielfive0/pseuds/destielfive0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel walks through the Kukuilani Baptist Church, headed towards the front where the body lays in the casket.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Never Told You (I just held it in)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired in the shower. I want to warn you that I can't write at ALL. But this story is fairly sad plot wise. So you've been warned.
> 
> Title comes from Colbie Callait's song "I Never Told You"

Rachel walks through the Kukuilani Baptist Church, headed towards the front where the body lays in the casket.

She can't believe it, after how many times he heard Danny's stories about him almost getting shot at, Steve putting the two of them in danger, she really can't believe that it has come to this.

Steve McGarrett was dead. Dead on arrival a week ago while chasing a suspect down the street, hit by a big rig truck.

She sits down next to Catherine, "I'm really sorry for your loss. Your husband was a wonderful man, but I'm sure he's in a better place and looking down at us now from above."

Catherine gives her a teary smile, "Thank you Rachel."

Rachel gets up from where she was sitting to walk towards Chin and Kono who are in opposite sides of Danny, who is standing in front of the casket, staring at Steve's body.

"Hello Mr. Kelly. Ms. Kalakaua, my condolences go out to you all," she says in a form of greeting.

"Thank you, Rachel." Kono replies, and Chin nods his head in agreement. The two give Danny a quick hug and walk towards where Catherine is seated.

When Rachel and Danny are alone, Rachel takes a few moments to stare at Steve's lifeless body. She really can't believe he's really gone, everytime she saw him, he seemed like this indestructible machine, yet here he was, dead. All because of a freak accident.

"You know, I always thought that he'd get me killed because of his craziness" Danny says in a strange, numb tone, interrupting Rachel from her thoughts. "Thought that one day, I'd get shot because we didn't have back-up."

Rachel smiled, remembering all the times Danny yelled and ranted about his crazy, gung-ho, partner.

Danny continues, "The first few months, I was scared. So scared because one day I might die and never get to see my little girl again. That Steve's crazy antics would cause Grace to lose her father." He is still staring at Steve's lifeless body as if he could will it back to life. "Then over the years, I started fearing for his life. Especially when he would go off to his Naval missions and I won't see him in a few months." His voice starts to escalate. "But damn it! Rachel. This is so much worse. _So much_ worse. I saw him chasing that suspect. I _saw_ him get hit by that truck. I still have nightmares about it and everytime I wake up, I pray to God to stop reminding me of that day, but then I'd go back to sleep and the nightmare would just go on and on and _on."_ He starts to shake and tremble and the last time Rachel saw him this way was the day she handed him the divorce papers, and even then, he seemed calmer.

"Danny. I don't know what to say to you. I don't know what I can say that will make you feel better or miss him less, because I know that it's not possible. But you _have_ to know. This is _not_ your fault" Rachel pleads.

Danny looks up from Steve's body to Rachel's face, "That's the problem though Rach. I don't feel guilt. I feel regret."

Rachel wants to ask what he means by that, but she has a feeling she knows. "I know Danny. I know how much you loved him, the first time I saw it was that week we last saw Matt, remember?" Danny nods his head. "I saw the way you were looking at him and remembered that you used to look at me that way, that's when I knew."

Rachel could see the tears starting to grow and grow on Danny's face, but he needs to hear this out loud instead of letting it bubble up inside. "From that time, I wondered when you would make your move. But then we started working out again, and I couldn't lose my baby's father. But when I found out Charlie wasn't yours, I let you go because a part of me _felt_ that Steve needed you more than I did. I thought the day Steve was let out of prison was the day you two would get your stubborn heads together, but then I met Gabby, then Amber." Rachel sees the confusion in Danny's face.

"Are you _trying_ to make me feel worse?!" Danny shouts.

"No! That's not my point. My point is, just because you and Steve never formed a physical relationship with one another, doesn't mean he didn't know you loved him. Even after he and Cath got married two years ago, he looked at you the same way you looked at him." Rachel consoles.

Danny looks down at Steve's body again, "Rach. I just didn't _tell_ him you know. I _was_ gonna tell him one time, right after I broke it off with Amber. But then that was the day he told me he was proposing to Catherine. That," Danny pause and took a deep breath, holding back tears "that broke me to pieces. I put on a brave face and congratulated him, but I went home and cried myself that whole week. I wanted him to _hear_ how much I love him, and now he isn't gonna be able to. And I don't know if I can live with that."

Rachel can hear the pain in Danny's voice, how much he loved Steve. "Oh, Danny." Rachel gives him a hug.

Danny chuckles darkly, "You know, there were days when I imagined us together. I would wake up in his arms and he in mine and we'd spend our days off watching TV or eating take out on his beach. Sometimes we'd have Grace over and we'd go surfing. I used to imagine that _even after_ he and Cath got married. I would imagine it with a smile on my face because it could still happen. We could _still_ be together because he was with me, but now. Now he's gone. He's _gone Rach._ Gone!"

Danny pulls away from Rachel's reach with tear stained eyes and looks back down on Steve, "You selfish son of a bitch!" then runs out the church.


End file.
